sharing.

It's the new year and although I haven't technically made any resolutions, I've had some revelations. As of yet my mind is slowly mulling feelings and thoughts, but I will share with you this: This is the year of radical change. For me, absolutely. Also, I think for the rest of the world. We'll see shit happen that's crazy. As if we didn't all know that by now. But right now, I'm talking about me. I'm talking about dreams. About things we thought were buried a long time ago, when our life took a different path than we were planning. How could those dreams ever happen now? I certainly counted them as dead. Well they're not. I just decided to go ahead and believe that they are still alive and ready to be fulfilled. Why not? What could I possibly lose? What could you possibly lose? One of the hardest things to realize is that our 'someday' is right now.

A man told me this once, and I just came across it written in an old journal:

"How do you recognize what's your true dream and what's the dream that you are dreaming for other people to love you? The difference is very easy to understand. If you enjoy the process, it's your dream. If you are enduring the process, just desperate for the result, it's somebody else's dream."

I realized that so many things I do, I just want to be over so I can get on to the next part, and then the next part... so impatient, so unsatisfied. I don't want to live my whole life being impatient and unsatisfied. I want to enjoy all the little moments, and do exactly what I love in all those moments. I've been reading through some old journals, and sometimes it hurts to read my life on paper... I have an ugly past. But I have some powerful experiences that feed what I am today and helped create everything that is my life now. Some things I may not wish to remember, but where I've been helps me direct where I will go now. My experiences have reaped some sage advice that I will always be able to fall back upon. And now is one of those times when I appreciate everything I scribbled down on paper, all the raw feelings and powerful experiences. Because now they are speaking to my soul and waking me up from a stupor of sorts. Whispering to me... just run! if you fall, you fall.

So here's to 2009, and living our dreams.